My dear baby Nelly,
“Bye-bye”, kiss. Mummy loves you. I robbed us of the chance to ever meet, or hold you in my arms, but if I had held you before letting you go, I would have said “bye-bye”, given you a kiss, and told you I loved you.
Just as I do with your siblings.
Through God, forgive me.
I’ve never known or celebrated your birthday.
Through God, forgive me.
You were conceived Nov 21, 2008. I was 24 years old. You were the size of a grain of rice, a sweet pea, a rain drop when I let you go. Your birthday would have been late August.
You were the size of a sweet pea, but your heart was beating, I denied these truths. I lied to myself and told myself you were only cells, but I knew you would have sensed danger and retreated.
Through God, forgive me for not seeing you for who you were, a beloved child of God.
Though God, forgive me for not protecting you. Forgive me for acting out of fear and putting you though that. Please forgive your Dad, he was so scared too.
In March 2026 you would have been 16 years old. You would have been 8 years old when your brother was born.
Though I have never carried you in my arms, I carry your DNA in my cells, and your memory in my heart.
As your little cells were afraid, I have since been afraid and anxious: I appeal to you my sweet child, intercede for me and ask God to deliver me from this.
Thank you, for interceding and healing your sister when she was in my womb. You would have loved her.
By God’s grace, and mercy and miracle of healing, let us both go forward without fear.
With faith, hope and love,
Mummy.