Dearest Rebecca and Rachael
My precious little baby, sweet little girl that I could have dressed up in pink and loved to the end of the world. I am deeply sorry for aborting you.
I was so selfish, cruel and stupid. It has been hard to come to terms with how you must have suffered and how distressed you must have been. If I could have you physically in my world, I would welcome you with loving, open arms. I would never hurt you.
I am so blessed that the Lord, through Project Rachel, has made me aware of the invitation you extend to me to have a spiritual, maternal relationship with you, and as you know, with gratitude I accept. I try to talk or pray to you everyday. Please forgive when I forget as my memory is not as good as it used to be. Please don’t take it that I am again rejecting you.
I have deprived you of your life and I wish I could change the past and give it back to you and have the opportunity to love you in person. It was horrifying to pay attention to fetal development and I am sorry I did not do this when I was pregnant with both of you.
A silver lining in this dark cloud is that you are both with the Lord and with your brother Timothy, whom I also love and miss. I love all of you. You are so very dear to me and I have truly grieved for you. There is no doubt in my mind that I love you dearly.
God made me aware of this grief in the Spring and I am glad He did. I am happy to acknowledge my love for you and I’ll always remember you as my little souls, my girly girls.
I guess another silver lining is I want you to know that I will continue to be involved in pro-life when I am able to, if not always in person, in prayer. Women and men need to know the extent of the harm they bring to both their babies and themselves.
I am wondering what you are doing right now as I write this letter to you and I wonder what you would have liked and not liked. It is hard to believe that you have forgiven me! But I believe you have and I am still working on forgiving myself. I am almost there and when this happens I will be able to have a deeper relationship with you.
Rebecca and Rachael, I have written one letter to both of you because I feel you were likely twins. For reasons God knows, I do not want to separate you. I have already done that once. I do love you individually though.
We are able to share our letters at our next group session but I don’t know if I want to do that or not. Perhaps this should be between us. (At the group, this Mom did read these letters, realizing that sharing her feelings was really another step in her healing.)
I do ask for your prayers so I can have the relationship with you that you desire.
One day I know we will meet and be reunited. Praise God for both of you Rebecca and Rachel. May you always share in the Glory of God in heaven.
Love, Mom.
Dear Timothy
You are so precious to me. I love you so much and I can’t believe my cruelty and stupidity and selfishness that brought me to have you aborted. It was such a horrible thing to do to you. I can’t imagine the pain and suffering I caused you.
I have deprived you of your life and I wished so much I could take back the time and give it back to you. I wonder what you would be like and I wonder if we would have called you Tim or would I have nick-named you as Mister Man as a toddler. Then as you walked around you could have proudly announced your self “Mister Man”. It would have been so cute.
I am blessed beyond understanding to be part of Project Rachel and to learn that even after aborting you, you wish to have a relationship with me, and that you are praying for me. I pray not to let you down again as I did before.
The Lord brought forward my grief for you and I am glad He did. He has continued to heal me and I am so undeserving but extremely grateful. If He hadn’t, I would not be able to write this letter to you. I would have tried to bury the grief again, and once again deprive you of a mother.
That leads me to think of Mother Mary and how she has been your mother when you needed a mother. I love you now and I am sorry for rejecting you when I learned I was pregnant with you.
I have learned through Project Rachel that not only do you wish to have a maternal relationship with me, you actually pray for me! It amazes me after I rejected you and had you aborted. This is the ultimate of forgiveness, and I thank you and God for this.
I told Rebecca and Rachel that I would continue to be involved with pro-life in person and in prayer.
I will always think of you and I will try to talk to you or pray to you everyday.
As I am writing this letter, I could envision you walking through the front door. Perhaps you have, spiritually, already! I would say that you have and you are most welcome always.
I pray we can always be close now. I will love you forever.
Love, Mom.