I have named you Neil, because, when I had your brothers and sister I knew their gender before they were born and in my heart I know you are a boy. Neil Joseph is your name and you are named after your great-grandfather who was a very tall, strong and strong-willed man and also very kind. I am sure he is taking very good care of you.
Neil I want to tell you about your family. You have a mom and dad and 2 brothers and a sister, also a nanny and a poppy and many wonderful cousins and aunts and uncles. Your siblings would have loved you dearly and you would have brought great joy into their lives. They would have taught you many great things.
I know your Dad thinks about you, even though he does not say it, and he loves you dearly in his own way.
Everyday, I think of you wishing you were with me. I imagine what you would have looked like and how big you would be today. Each month I imagine what you would be doing, walking, rolling around, starting to talk or waving bye-bye.
I want to tell you I love you very much, and that everyday of my life since the abortion I have regretted my decision. You will be 1 year in January and in our own way, you and I will celebrate your life in heaven that month.
I have gone to a great support group, Project Rachel, seeking help & forgiveness for my actions. I have received both. I am now able to carry on and become useful again to our family and to God. I am asking you, with all my heart, to forgive me for not allowing you to be born. I know now that with God’s complete forgiveness you and I will be together again.
I love you dearly forever and until we meet again…. love mom.