After the abortion, I woke up in a panic. What I thought was the solution, became my dark cloud. I felt this overwhelming sense that God was there; however, I knew immediately I would never be able to face Him again. So I shut God out. Before the abortion, I was able to tell myself it wasn’t a sin for me. I certainly could not deny the fact that after the abortion, it was.
I felt scared, alone, that I had let God down, my baby down, my family down. For a decade I felt God like I never had, and I kept pushing Him away. I knew He was going to ask me to do something difficult to get past this. I felt I didn’t deserve this second chance. ‘Let me suffer God because this is what I deserve.’ But God never left me. How blessed I am!
Then I found Project Rachel. I knew it was from the One who loves without conditions. I sought healing and forgiveness and that is just what I got!
The only person I felt I needed to forgive was myself. There were people’s opinions and comments that contributed to my decision, but it was still my decision.
I took 13 years to have the courage to open myself to God and accept his forgiveness. Through Project Rachel I dealt with my anger, shame and my hurts, but forgiveness took longer to deal with. I thought God would never forgive me for such a sin and I was not worthy of joy and peace. And I certainly did not want to forgive myself.
So, I prayed one night for God to forgive me and I opened my heart to receive it and, through that same prayer, I felt at peace and He gave me the strength to forgive myself.
I realized, after I was healed, He always did forgive me that is why He gave His life for me. I just would not receive it, and I couldn’t go on like that any longer.
God is 100% love, mercy and compassion. He never was or will be anything less than that.
Project Rachel for me was a loving, safe, non-judgmental healing journey. I was so grateful for my new friends, for their compassion. I am grateful for the grace and love of God for Project Rachel. Project Rachel gave me love, support and compassion as well as the skills I needed to heal. I am so lovingly grateful for their grace.