I love you and I miss you. This is not only written but it comes from the unspoken words of my heart. When you receive this, how will you receive this? From time to time I have received mail actually e-mail and before opening it I heard… you’ve got mail! May an angel deliver these words from my lips to your ears. Perhaps our Blessed Mother may share this with you because she makes very special visits. Many earthly years have passed since I thought of you and just recently three earthly angels, Margo, Raya and Jill have reminded me that I have a beautiful son.
There are many questions I have and many of them, until recently, have been smothered in a cloud of forgetting. My approach to seek you, to recognize you, to name you , to share stories about you with others had been buried along with God. I had tried to drown my feelings about you when you died.
Oh that terrible pain that turned into an unhealthy anger that became my ‘isms’ and divided me and your mother, Susan and drove us apart. When you were taken away cruelly from us, we lacked support and I never saw you and I never got over you. There have been attempts to come to terms with your death for your Mother and me. When you died we did not know God and his ways. Nor did we know how to forgive. Nor did we experience his healing love from his son Jesus and we believed that God only punishes.
Today I realize the opposite! The Lord is good and His love endures forever, and that his son, Jesus, came to forgive us so that we could be reconciled with the Father and one another. The measure that I forgive, that measure I will also be forgiven is now understood in my life.
Loughlin, I have placed many things between you and me starting with your death. Your life did not end. It was changed and you were born into eternal life. You are with Him, and in Him through the unity of the Holy Spirit.
Now I ask you to forgive me, and these words haven’t come easily.
Recently, I wrote another letter to your sister Meaghan and told her that she has a brother. I think she knew that she had a brother but didn’t know your name. She has a beautiful heart and one day we will walk together hand in hand as sister and brothers. A friend of mine hand painted a beautiful representation of our Blessed Mother Mary kneeling and holding the baby Jesus, surrounded and adored by angels. When I began to look upon this portrait, I was filled with a great consolation of this gift that was bestowed upon me, but something deeper and more beautiful struck me. I no longer wonder where you are in heaven or where that is and what you may look like or what you are doing.
Jesus was the first to wrap his loving arms around you so that you could be adored by our blessed Mother and she could teach you how to love and pray to Jesus and for us. I no longer wonder where you are because you are in God.
My heart, My heart, God is truly here. Loughlin, I love you and I miss you. God is awesome and on a very special rock he has carved your name and mine and your mother’s and your sisters, and we will see this together. Your love and prayers are helping me to become the father God wants me to be.
xoxoxooxox Love Dad
PS I hope my guardian angel shares this with your guardian angel and from the angel’s lips to your ears.