I remained silent about my abortion for over twenty years and did not talk to God about it even after my Spiritual Awakening. During that time I suffered with overwhelming quilt, shame and self-hatred. Shame and guilt is something that is positive when it motivates a change in behavior or making amends. The shame and guilt I felt was destroying my self esteem and increasing the depressions that I experienced.
My Christian beliefs gave me ‘some’ relief as I knew somehow, sometimes that God had forgiven me for taking a life. This belief was pretty shaky especially when I was depressed and feeling hopeless. What also stood in the way of spiritual healing was my inability to forgive myself. I would question myself over and over – How could God forgive me for what I had done? How can I ever forgive myself?
Eventually, my nursing knowledge helped me see my abortion as a traumatic experience and the more I learned the more I was able to talk to other women about my abortion. One such close friend led me to Project Rachel. It was this program that gave me the Spiritual Healing I so desperately needed. Connecting with other women who had experienced abortion, going through the recovery steps and communion with God helped me to shed the pathological guilt I felt so that once again I can hold my head high. Now, I know I am forgiven by God and I have finally forgiven myself.
There are no words that could equal the gratitude that I feel for everyone who is involved in Project Rachel. I feel like I have been released from prison after a 25 year sentence. I am so much more at peace with myself and my past. I have been freed from unrelenting guilt, shame and depression because of your understanding and compassion. You have lifted my spirit and opened the door to healing the wounds I suffered from my abortion so that I can feel the forgiveness that God had already given.
Christian, my unborn son, is safe in the arms of God and is very much alive in my heart. I sometimes feel sadness that I did not give him life on this earth, but now there is also joy and a spiritual connection.
Project Rachel is a part of my daily prayers because I know there are many other women who need the help and healing. Some may not have faith in God or Jesus but I ask you to consider this:
“If it is too difficult for us to believe that Jesus is the Son of God, start by believing His message to us — love and forgiveness.”
(Her abortion was in 1976, her healing was in 2001.)